“Your emotions are like an internal compass. When you can read them, understand them, use them, you will be able to move your life in the direction that you want to go”.
~ Cal Baynon
The world we live in seems to beckon us to lead very busy lives. The busier we get the more productive we may feel. Sounds good doesn’t it? The truth is that what may be lurking around all of this busyness is the reluctance to really be present to what we are feeling.
Many women in my coaching practice have perfected the art of busyness. The minute their feet hit the floor, they rev themselves up like a race car ready to start the day. They don’t have time to feel, only to do, do, do!
Women have a long history of being told it’s not okay to get angry, to acquiesce to the needs, wants, and desires of others, or to hold in tears for fear of being labeled weak and manipulative. It’s not surprising then that the rate of depression among women is twice that of men according to the American Psychological Association.
To prevent this rate from increasing, it is so important for you, as a woman, to effectively express your feelings. Begin to realize that all feelings are good because their purpose is to provide you with information, direction, and motivation that will help you create a more satisfying life.
Cal Baynon, certified hypnotherapist and author of “The Secret Language of Feelings” has identified 10 primary feelings that we experience. He then correlated what the need, want, or desire is behind the feeling. By acquainting yourself with these feelings, you can begin to understand what you need to do to begin to satisfy your desires.
Primary Feelings and The Desire Behind Them
1. Boredom – The need or desire to grow
2. Anger – To experience fairness
3. Guilt- To be fair to others
4. Sadness – To keep valued things and people
5. Loneliness – To have meaningful relationships
6. Inadequacy- To feel good enough
7. Stress- To have peace and tranquility
8. Fear- To Feel Safe
9. Frustration – To meet needs through one’s own efforts
10. Depression – To be hopeful and effective
When I shared this list with one of my clients, she immediately connected her pattern of overeating to the feeling of boredom. We then began exploring what was causing the boredom. After some soul searching, she realized that she was on autopilot in her job and decided to look for another job. She also explored some local meet-up groups that peaked her interests. By connecting to what she was feeling, rather than using food as a distracter, she was able to awaken to a more enlivened and fulfilling life.
This is the 1, 2, 3, method of coaching developed by Cal Bayan. Simply, 1) Identify the feeling 2) The cause of the feeling, and 3) What you need to do to get a satisfying response. Using this simple three-step process can transform your life. By making a commitment to deal with your feelings, you’ll become more empowered and create a more enriched life for yourself.
